Before I get into the thick of things, I have to say a big THANK YOU to all of our friends and family. Although we are still very new to the idea of having a premature baby (maybe), we have received such an out pour of love and support that it has been absolutely amazing. Wes and I can't tell you enough how much it means to us and helps us to know that we have such a strong support system behind us, willing to help in any way that we need. There are so many unknowns when it comes to what is going to happen over the next couple of weeks, but the one thing that we do know is that we will get through it all, mostly because of the amazing people standing behind us willing to help. If you talk to anyone in my family, you will know that I am a planner by design. I need to have a plan. I need to have a list. I need to have data. Not having one or all of those things is what sends me into a total panic (despite my resolution of choosing not to be stressed out haha). So although I went a little crazy "e-introducing" people like my mom and Emma's daycare teacher just to be sure, I know that Emma will be 100% taken care of, the dog and cat will be taken care of and Wes and I will be taken care of no matter what happens. This is allowing us to focus our attention on getting Jackson as ready as can be for the outside world...even if we aren't quite as ready. :)

So truly, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you so much to all of our friends and family who have written and called and emailed over the past few days just to offer your support. It means an incredible amount to us, and probably more than you will ever know.

Although there are a lot of things that we do know, like how no matter what happens, Emma will be taken care of for as long as needed, and that the doctors are doing everything that they can to make sure Jackson is as ready as can be and he is in amazing hands, there are a lot of things that we don't know. Just to name a few....

• We don't know when it's going to happen....tomorrow or maybe sometime in March? There is a big difference between 33 weeks...and 37 weeks.
• We don't know how it's going to happen....c-section or vaginal?
• We don't know if Jackson is headed to the NICU....and for how long?
• We don't know when he will come home with us....right away or days or weeks?
• We don't know what we are going to do about work if he has an extended stay in the NICU.
• We don't know how I am going to stretch out my 8 weeks of leave if he spends 3 or 4 weeks in the hospital.
• We don't know how much it's going to cost if Jackson ends up in the NICU.
• We don't know what, if anything, this is going to mean for Jackson later in life.
• We don't know how to be a parent from the NICU.
• We don't know how to bond with Jackson in the NICU.
• We don't know what our first glimpse of Jackson is going to be like.
• We don't know what to expect if he is headed for the NICU and that's where we see him for the first time.

One HUGE unknown to me, and probably one of my biggest fears, is how I am ever going to find the strength to be here for Wes through all this. Wes is my rock in so many ways, but this is his son too, and sometimes I think it's easy for me to lose sight of that simply because I'm carrying Jackson. But I feel like I am on such an emotional roller coaster already, that I just don't know where I am going to pull the strength from to be Wes's rock too.

I had my first of two steroid shots this morning as well as my first of two non-stress tests (NST) this week and both went well. We also found out that once a week we will be having my amniotic fluid checked too (which we also had done today as well) which is also looking good. After my second steroid shot tomorrow, it will take about 48 hours for them to take full effect and after that he should be covered. I learned a little more too about the NST...what they are specifically looking for is for Jackson to move at least 2 times within a 20 minute times span where his heart rate rises by 15 beats per minute and stays at that level for 15 seconds. Jackson hit his marks today but it took him until round two (they will give you two tries before heading to the biophysical sonogram) but we got an overall "pass"!

We also found out that if Jackson is born anytime soon, most likely he will be able to stay at the hospital where we are delivering. The hospital NICU is plenty capable of treating infants born as early as 28 weeks unless surgery is needed, in which case they would be flown to the local university hospital. It also looks like if the doctor decide during that during one of the tests that "today is the day", they will be transferring me right upstairs and that will be it! So needless to say, my bag is coming with me to every appointment!

We have gone from counting down time and holding our big celebrations on a monthly basis, to a daily and weekly basis now. We made it through January, so our next goal is to make it through my next steroid shot tomorrow, and my regular doctors appointment before we then start to concentrate and prepare for Thursday, which is my next round of NST and the next possible "today is the day" moment.

We are starting to be a little more prepared though, at least as prepared as we can be. Although the house is a mess, we have all our bags packed, although Jackson's room isn't finished, he has a crib with clean sheets ready for him, although we don't know if it will be next week or 6 weeks from now, our bills are paid for the next month, Emma's bag is packed and ready to go, family and friends have house keys just in case, I have my list of important and contact information updated and ready to go just in case, Jackson's all signed up with our insurance, my maternity leave paperwork is filled out and ready to hand over to my doctor for his part, I stocked up on a few more newborn size outfits for Jackson and wrapped Emma a few small gifts from her baby brother that she will get when she comes to the hospital. So we are getting there! Stay tuned for some more updates this week!

A Scary Twist...x2

So, although we have had a couple scary twists, one with Emma and one with Jackson while I was pregnant with them, they have both turned out perfectly fine, which is one of the many things I have been telling myself over and over again this morning. Because wouldn't you know, enter...Scary Twist #2 with Jackson.

Of course I am behind on my updating the blog, so I was just going to hop on during lunch to post about how great things were going and how I turned 32 weeks (8 months) pregnant on Wednesday, and how we only had 8 weeks left. In that post, I was also going to talk about how I was really getting tired of being pregnant and how that seemed to come so much faster with Jackson then with Emma. I have had a lot more body aches and pains, a sore back, more contractions, the swelling has started, you name it. But as of this morning, all of that went flying right out the window, and I am praying that I am pregnant up until my due date, and really, I hope to even just make it another month.

I had my follow up growth sonogram this morning, which was a simple follow up to our last sonogram 6  weeks ago. At that point, Jackson was measuring a week behind his "age", but had been pretty consistent with that from very early on. Since Emma was born at a whopping 5 lbs 12 ounces at 38.5 weeks, no one was thinking that much about it, just assuming Jackson was on the small side as well. Today we got some new details though. Jackson is now measuring about 2 weeks behind. Although he should have measured 32 Weeks and 2 Days, he measured 30 Weeks and 3 Days. Because one of his two main jobs right now is to gain weight (his other one is to develop his lungs), its more concerning then before, especially since he is no longer consistent and moving in the opposite direction. The other concern is exactly where and how he is measuring small.

There are basically two different ways a baby can measure small (from what I understand from the doctor today). A baby can measure small all over, meaning head circumference, length of bones, weight, etc. From head to toe. That basically indicates an overall small baby. The other way a baby can measure small, which is how Jackson was measuring, was only around certain parts, like around his waist. So although his head circumference, length of bones, etc were "average", his waist was in about the 20th percentile which means he isn't gaining any weight (which is one of his two big jobs at this age). So that leads doctors to believe that the placenta is not functioning properly and not providing the nutrients that he needs, which means there will most likely come a point in which Jackson is better off in the outside world, then where he is now. The unknown part, is when that point will be.

So where do we go from here? Well, to the doctor's office and to the hospital 45 times a week apparently. In addition to my regular bi-weekly doctor visits (which will shortly become weekly depending on how long I make it), I will now be heading into the hospital twice a week for non-stress tests (more information on that below). In addition to the non-stress tests, I'm heading back in two weeks for another growth sonogram and here is the scary part (at least the part that tends to freak me out the most). In addition to all that and because the goal is to get me to at least 37 weeks, but since that is 5 weeks away and they aren't sure I will make it that long, I am going in on Monday and Tuesday of next week to get two steroid injections to help develop Jackson's lungs quicker. Apparently, giving the mother steroids helps the baby's lung development in several ways:

• Increased surfactant production: Steroids increase the amount of surfactant that a premature baby's lungs produce. Surfactant helps the lungs to stay open, but premature babies often do not produce enough.
• Less fluid in the lungs: When the lungs are filled with fluid, they don't work as well. Steroids can help babies to clear fluid out of their lungs more effectively.
• Larger lung volumes: Babies exposed to steroids around the time of delivery have more lung tissue. Babies with larger lung volumes are able to oxygenate their blood more easily.
• Better response to surfactant therapy: Premature babies are often given one or more doses of artificial surfactant to help their lungs stay open. Babies whose moms got steroids respond better to surfactant therapy.

As for the non-stress test, its basically a test that can be ordered once or twice a week, but may even be needed more often for some people. The tests  helps to study the placenta and the baby's overall health. The test shows how well the placenta is working by looking at how the baby's heart rate responds to contractions of the uterus or the baby's own movements. It's a pretty easy test in which you get two belts put across your belly, one belt monitors the baby's heart rate and one baby monitors contractions. Just as an adults heart rate gets faster when we exercise, the same should happen with the baby. Usually, a baby's heart rate gets faster by 15 beats per minute during activity. This higher heart rate lasts for about 15 seconds. The goal is to get this to happen at least two times in a span of twenty minutes. They will give you basically two tries each time for this test, so if the baby isn't moving much for the first 20 minutes, you get another shot at an additional 20 minutes. If for some reason the little one is still quiet, I will then go for a ultrasound right then and there for a biophysical profile. This tests the baby in five different areas:

1. Variation of fetal heart rate
2. Breathing movements
3. Body movements
4. Muscle tone
5. Amount of amniotic fluid

As part of my growth sonogram today, I had that test done as well and all looks good so far! I am still waiting to talk to my regular doctor to get his thoughts (the doctor I spoke with was the doctor located at the Fetal Assessment Center in the hospital) and I have several questions for him waiting, but we will certainly keep everyone posted.

I have certainly been through a wide range of emotions today which has been exhausting, and I can't quite bring myself to talk about those yet but I am sure there is more to come on the subject. Luckily, I have an amazing and beautiful baby waiting to be picked up who I have no doubt will brighten my day. And today, of all days, is certainly one that I need a big hug and a slobbery, wet, toddler kiss, hopefully followed by lots of play time and night-time snuggles.

Emma's First Aquarium Visit!

Well, we had a pretty darn successful trip to the National Aquarium today!! I think Emma had a great time despite cutting teeth left and right over the past few days and she was really good! I think she was a little overwhelmed when we first arrived, probably because it was a whopping 15 degrees outside and we had to walk a few blowls from the parking lot but once we were in and all warmed up, Emma was ready to run!! Although we only live about 15 minutes from one amazing aquarium, I had forgotten how long it had been since I had actually been there.

Our first stop after getting in and checking our stroller and coats was this awesome little maze of green tubes with water in then that would shoot up bubble every few seconds. Emma LOVED these and we ended up stopping by this area a few times for her to run through.

We arrived just about 45 minutes before the Dolphin Show so we ended up going through a few exhibits first. Mimi is probably going to hate me for posting this picture but I think it's adorable. We were heading through the Australian Wild Extreme Exhibit and Emma was LOVING getting to see all the fish and snakes and turtles just to name a few! I love the expression on her face (not to mention Mimi's face too haha). :)

I love this picture too (although the aquarium was pretty tricky photography-wise) but while Mimi was saving us some good seats in the Dolphin Show Emma and I walked down a level and came to find a HUGE viewing window where we could see the dolphin's swimming. This was probably one of Emma's favorites because they came so close to the window. As you can somewhat see from the picture, her hands are covering her mouth in excitement!

Next on to the Dolphin Show!! Mimi and I were somewhat disappointed in the show and Emma certainly got bored during the middle because they would point to these two big screens on the side of the tank and we were watch a video, that not many folks would pay attention too. I did catch a couple of pictures of the beginning and end when the dolphins were out in force though!

By the end of the show, which was right around lunch time, Emma was getting pretty restless so out came the strawberries and Cheerios which she ended up chewing on the container more often then not. She has recently had two of her I-teeth (I think that's what they are called) pop through with the other two on the way. So you can imagine that pretty much anything and everything is going right in the mouth!  

After the dolphin show we hit up the shark exhibit and by that time, Emma was ready to run so both Mimi and Mommy were on high alert! She sure had a good time and even held out through lunch! We had a great day and I truly enjoyed spending time with both my baby and my mom! Thanks again for joining us on our special day Mimi!

I was just about hit "Publish Post" when I realized that not only did we have a great day, but how important days like this are to me. Even though tomorrow morning at work will be a nightmare going through the 200 emails that I got today, and I burned a day of vacation because day-care was closed, but how often do I get to spend an entire day with my little girl, showing her something that she has never seen before and watching her just soaking in every second. At first I was planning on taking the Blackberry with me to avoid the mass quantities of emails the next day but I didn't, and I am glad that I didn't. I also couldn't decide originally if I wanted to take my camera or not because sometimes you want to be IN the moment, rather then hiding behind the lens but I am glad that I did. I think I did pretty good balancing taking pictures and having fun with my baby, which is why you don't see pictures of a lot of the exhibits and things that we saw. It's easy to lose sight at how amazing these kinds of days are if you get caught up in the crowds and cost of parking and things like that. But it truly was an amazing day that I am going to always remember!

Guess Where We Are Off To...

Guess where Emma, Mommy and Mimi are headed to today!! Here's a hint...

A few weeks ago when I realized that daycare was going to be closed two Mondays in a row (one for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day which Wes also had off for, and one for a Teacher In-Service day) and that it was only a few short weeks until Emma would have to share Mommy and Daddy for forever, I decided that my baby needed a few special days to make sure that she wasn't going to get lost in all of the craziness that preparing for a new baby brings. So, we are off to have a great day and to check out some of the awesome exhibits at the National Aquarium.

Having free tickets for admission and the dolphin show through work doesn't hurt either. Ha! :)