What conversations are like in our house....

Friday, September 20, 2013

At least once a day, if not more, there is conversation that happens with the kids that either makes me smack my forehead or makes me fall on the floor laughing. I often tell Wes that I wish I could just record every single day with these two crazies because of how truly funny our lives and conversations can be sometimes. Some mid-meltdown conversations may not seem funny at the time, but usually they crack me up pretty good afterwards. You know, after a glass of wine, no, a good book, oh wait, who am I kidding, a glass of wine.

Here are some good examples of recent conversations we have had that I wish were on tape....

Conversation #1: About an hour and a half into an eight hour drive heading to vacation in North Carolina:
Emma: "Mommy, when are we going to be there?"
Mommy: "In about six hours baby."
Emma: "That's a long time Mommy!" (cue Emma's whimpering and whining)
Mommy: "I know baby. Don't worry, we will find a rest area soon to get out and stretch our legs."
(About two and a half minutes later...)
Emma: "Mommy, where is the resting area? I really need to get out and scratch my legs."

Conversation #2: On the way home from school one afternoon with one very tired and cranky Squishy...
Mommy: "Jack, please put your listening ears on honey and get in the car:"
Jack: "NO! I no wanna go home!"
Mommy: "Jack, if you don't get in the car, Mommy is going to put you in the car. It's not safe in the parking lot."
Jack: "NO!"
(Jack throws himself on the ground on the sidewalk)
Mommy: "Okay, Mommy's going to put you in the car now."
(Mommy picks up Jack)
Jack: "NO NO NO!!! Do it all by self!!!!!!"
(Jack thrashes in Mommy's arms. Mommy puts him down wishfully thinking he will now cooperate)
(Jack continues to throw himself on the ground)
(Mommy picks him up, wrestles him into the car, gets smacked multiple times, Jack arches back, Mommy starts sweating trying to wrestle child into car seat and eventually wins)
(Jack has even bigger melt down, but is finally strapped into the car, Mommy secretly does happy dance because at least he is finally strapped in)
(Fast forward to fifteen minutes down the road when Jack FINALLY starts to calm down after continuing to melt down)  
Mommy: "Are you feeling better now man?"
Jack: "Yes. I a little bit happy now. A little bit sad too. No. No. No. A little bit frustrated with you Mommy."
(Mommy smacks forehead)

Conversation #3: During bath time one night when Emma's hair was extra crusty with syrup from breakfast, paint from school and no doubt other bodily functions from classmates...
Mommy: "Holy macaroni your hair is crusty today Sissy!"
Emma: "I know Mommy. What is it?"
Mommy: "I don't even know honey. We are going to have to use Mommy's hair conditioner tonight to get the knots out."
(Mommy gets the hair conditioner and sets it aside while I use all my might to try to shampoo all the crustiness out of Emma's hair)
Emma: "Mommy? Can I use the air conditioner now?"

Conversation #4: During Sissy-Brother battle #45,793 over who gets to use the pink lawnmower while playing outside.
Emma: "Jack!! It's my turn to use the lawnmower!!!"
(Emma then attempts the old smash and crab to yank the lawnmower from what is now Jack's death-grip)
Jack: "No Sissy!! It's my turn!!!!"
Emma: "Mommy!! Jack won't let me have a turn!! I really need that lawnmower!!"
Mommy: "Emma, did you ask Jack nicely if you could have a turn?"
Emma: "Jack, can I please have a turn?"
Jack: "NO! IT'S MINE"
Emma: "Mommy!!!!"
Mommy: "Wanna know a secret Sissy? If you start playing with another toy and pretend like it's really awesome, then Jack will want to play with that one and then you can use the pink lawnmower."
(Mommy thinks she's genius although probably not the best parenting tactic)
Emma: "Hey Jack! Look at this awesome shopping cart!!! It's so much fun!! Wanna switch?!?!"
Jack: "Okay Sissy!!!!"
(Mommy pats self on back for issue resolved without anyone being injured from hitting or smacking or throat punching)
(Fast forward to the following day when Emma is demanding to use the green pen that Mommy is using to fill out school forms)
Emma: "But Mommy, I REALLY need that pen!!"
Mommy: "Emma, I told you already. You can use it as soon as Mommy is done filling out these forms."
(Emma holds up a red crayon)
Emma: "But Mommy!! Look how awesome this red crayon is!!! It's so much fun to use!!! Wanna switch??"
Mommy: "Nice try Sissy."
And because it's been a while since I posted some pictures of the crazy little ones, here are some funny ones that were pretty recent (at least I think they are pretty funny). It had been a while since I broke out the camera, so on one of the recent warm days when the kids were out on a rampage frolicking in the yard/pool, I thought it would be a great time to get some updated shots.

This one cracks me up because sweet, little, innocent Emma was so into posing for the camera, that she didn't realize she was being photo-bombed by a water gun about to unload on the side of her head, courtesy of The Squishy.

In case you were wondering, this is what The Squishy's "No No No" face looks like. 

That little stinker REFUSES to let Mommy take a good picture of him.

In the words of R. Kelly, "I believe I can fly...."

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