Every time I start a post now, I have to giggle because I feel like it's a new episode of a soap opera. I feel like I should start off with something like "Last time, on Life with The Odom's...." Haha! We left off a couple of days before our first appointment with the oncologist, which we had about a week and a half before Christmas. It seemed like life was once again on hold until we had that appointment, at least any major plans. We were still plugging along getting ready for Christmas, playing in the snow, baking cookies, and getting in plenty of snuggles and rest, but there were still so many unknowns.

About a week and a half after surgery, we got a call during dinner from the breast cancer surgeon with the final pathology reports. It was the second time we cried tears of joy in our new story.

2. LYMPH NODE, "SENTINEL NODE #1," LEFT AXILLA (DISSECTION):
-ONE (1) LYMPH NODE, NEGATIVE FOR CARCINOMA. 

3. LYMPH NODE, "SENTINEL NODE #2", LEFT AXILLA (DISSECTION):
-ONE (1) LYMPH NODE, NEGATIVE FOR CARCINOMA.

The lymph nodes were 100% clean.

It seemed like she could have just stopped right then and there. But she continued.

Margins were clean.

Skin was clean.

HER2 Negative.

Tumor measured 2.1 cm in the greatest dimension (which was pretty much what they were guessing).

The only negative result we received was that the invasive portion of the cancer (the tumor) was an Elston Grade 3 of 3. We didn't really know what that meant, or frankly, didn't really even care at the time of the phone call since we were just so freaking excited to confirm the lymph nodes status. We didn't know at the time that the Elston Grade would become a big factor in our treatment plan.

Come to find out, that Elston Grade basically represents the "aggressive potential" of the tumor, so a "low grade" (or a 1 on this scale) tends to be less aggressive than "high grade" (or a 3 on this scale). So it turns out, I have a pretty aggressive form of breast cancer.

Fast forward to our oncologist appointment, exactly four weeks after surgery, December 16th. It also happened to be exactly two months after my official diagnosis on October 16th.

(On a side note, I'm just going to skip over any more "16ths" in the upcoming months. Kthanksbye.)

I wanted to take a picture of the waiting room but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was all decorated for Christmas, but you could have heard a pin drop in that place. My mom was on daycare pick up duty so Wes came along with me and so did my Dad. It was just one of those appointments where you wanted that extra person to help listen, in case you started to hear things that got you upset. There was just something about this waiting room, and I realized it the minute that we walked in. There were only a couple of other folks there, but no one was there alone. Everyone had a support system. It wasn't a doctor's office where you go alone. It wasn't like going to get a check up. It was just different. There was a couple to our left, where the woman just looked miserable. She had her head on what I was assuming was her husband's shoulder, and she had clearly gone through, or was going through chemotherapy. That certainly made me take a step back. At one point, the nurse navigator came out to introduce herself to me and say that someone had told them I was coming, so they were expecting me. She said that she was sorry that I had to be there, but that she was glad they could try to help. I remember thinking and wondering how she could just talk so freely with the other people all in the waiting room. She wasn't quiet, she didn't whisper. Everyone knew I had breast cancer. It didn't take me long but I then realized everyone there had some form of cancer, so it wasn't ever a secret, or something to hide. The two couples there, came and went and we were still waiting. Cracking a few jokes here and there to keep our minds off of what we were there waiting for. After waiting over an hour, we finally got to meet my oncologist, who is now basically the team lead in my story.

The appointment lasted about and hour and a half, and it was once again like drinking from a fire hose. The first part was a lot of questions for Wes and I, about our lifestyle, family history, kids, where we worked, what kind of people we were. Then it was Dr. W reviewing the final pathology report. There was a point where Dr. W had one treatment plan in mind, then he found the Elston Grade result and the plan quickly changed. There was no doubt in his mind what my plan should be. a 20-week chemotherapy plan followed up by a minimum of a five year hormone therapy. The hormone therapy was pretty much a given for us, ever since we found out we were ER+, but hearing that chemotherapy plan officially was a bit of a blow.

The next half hour or so (that's what it seemed like at least), was spent talking about the Tamoxifen hormone treatment, fertility and the possibility of ovarian suppression. After that, it was on to the chemotherapy plan, which will include four cycles of AC (Adriamycin and Cytoxan), one dose every two weeks for four doses (so a total of 8 weeks), with a shot of Neulasta in the skin the day after each chemotherapy treatment to reduce the risk of infection. This will be followed by twelve weekly doses of Taxol (so a total of 12 weeks). We are supposed to kick things off next week.

Since diagnosis, chemotherapy has certainly been one of our biggest unknowns but pretty much for the entire time, I have been mentally trying to prepare myself thinking it was going to be a part of my treatment plan. I would never say that I wanted to go through chemo, but from Day 1 I have told myself that I would do anything, no matter what it was, to keep me around for as long as possible. If it sucks now, but means that I'll be here to pick out wedding dresses with Emma, I'll do it. If it sucks now, but means that I'll be here to watch Jack become an amazing father to his children, I'll do it. If it sucks now, but means I'll be here sitting next to Wes on our 50th wedding anniversary, I'll do it. So although it was certainly a shock to hear it, and a shock to hear that it would be four months worth, and a shock to officially be told that by the time you arrive for your second treatment your hair will be gone, there is no other option in my mind. After hearing the percent chance that my cancer could come back without treatment, and then hearing the percent chance it has after treatment, there's absolutely no question.

We ended up leaving the appointment at about 6:30PM, tired, nervous for what was to come, but I think also feeling confident in our path forward. We felt confident in Dr. W. He didn't sugar coat things, but was trying to get to know us, so he was personable too. We weren't a number to him. We were a young couple, with two very young kids. And he flat out said it was his job to keep me around for the long haul. And he sounded like that's exactly what he was about to do.

So that's the plan! I've been busy getting lots of appointments and check-ups out of the way before starting chemo (you can't do things like go to the dentist on chemo, etc, anything that has a risk of an infection). I even started back at work which felt amazing!! Next on the list is to get a major haircut, which is pretty much the first recommendation I'm gathering as it can be pretty traumatic when it starts to fall out, and maybe even pick out a wig for those days back to work.

You know, at first I felt like I just wanted to skip over 2014 since it was going to start out so sucky. But now, I think of it as the start to the rest of my life. Any mom out there would be eager to start whatever it was, that was going to keep her around for a very long time. 

I've Been Looking At A Blank Screen for Weeks...

I don't know what it was that was keeping me from blogging over the past couple of weeks. Outside of the obvious surgery recovery. I sat down so many times with my computer open, a new post ready for words, feelings, thank yous, anything. But nothing ever seemed to come out. The odd part, was that there was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to write about. Sometimes, on tough sleeping nights I would lay awake just thinking about everything I wanted to say about the past month, but the next day I would open my computer, and I just didn't know where to start. So you will have to forgive me because who knows where this post will go and how long it might eventually be! I just am going to sit down, and start typing and see what happens!

It feels like it was forever ago that we started our new journey, our new story. There are so many notes and cards and messages and phone conversations that have happened over the past month that will probably all trickle out in different posts, but there was one that stands out to me a lot. It was an email that Wes and I received the Saturday before my surgery and it's what I thought about every time I sat down to try to write about our latest journey. It was about how this was our story. Even though everyone has a story about a neighbor or a cousin or a friend or a coworker, this was going to be our story and was just about us, and eventually this big net of friends and family that are gathered around us to catch us. The email said "we all have to acknowledge that this is your story." I don't know why that had such an impact on me. Maybe its because as soon as we got our diagnosis, all the other stories started pouring in. Sometimes we needed to hear them, sometimes we didn't. It was always coming from a good place in someones heart, that just wanted to help. But it was often very overwhelming. Over the past month, I have just been constantly reminding myself, that this is our story, so ultimately, that's what I decided to sit down and write about. I can't thank that family member enough for that email to Wes and I that day. It meant more than you will ever know.

It seems like so long ago that we got the actual diagnosis. At first, it seemed like it was a lifetime between diagnosis and surgery. But now, it seems like it went by in the blink of an eye. The weeks in between were very odd. Mostly, extremely good and very normal. It was odd and exactly what we needed at the same time, to go back to normal life, even though we knew what was coming. Work was what I needed during the day to take my mind off of what was going on. In the evenings, it was the babies that kept us busy like usual. They were our lifesavers. We talked to them about what was going to happen. Honestly, I really didn't know what to tell them or not tell them, but in the end, we were open and honest and used words like cancer and surgery and hospital, just because we knew they would over hear them in conversations anyway. Of course they didn't understand much, especially Jack, but I think Emma understood as much as she needed to. We told them that Mommy had cancer and that the doctors needed to take the cancer out so Mommy wouldn't get sick. We told them that cancer was like weeds in our flower garden. If you don't take the weeds out, they will spread and make the flowers sick. It actually ended up being perfect because they love to help Mommy and Daddy take the weeds out of the garden in the summer. They have been absolutely amazing through all this. 

One day I noticed that our favorite photographer was having some fall mini-sessions. She usually books up fast and it was only a week away but on a whim, I thought why not? It was something I was thinking about doing in the spring, but given that our immediate future was somewhat up in the air, I took a shot and turns out she had the perfect opening. Boy was it cold that day and I wouldn't say that we were exactly prepared with proper outfits but she always makes us laugh, and the kids adore her. It was the perfect thing to do, and I am so glad that we decided to capture this exact time in our lives even in just a few photographs.

I love these three so much, that I can barely even stand it.  

Before we knew it, it was Halloween and time for the babies Halloween parade at school! Of course Emma was another princess this year and it only took us about two hours in the store to decide which one! Jack on the other hand went as the most handsome Peter Pan known to man. Clearly.

The Halloween parade must be so overwhelming for the kids because the shopping center just gets lined with parents with cameras and store owners and shoppers all clamoring to see the cuteness. After seeing so many little ones pass, we finally got a glimpse of  Peter Pan coming down the sidewalk.

It took him a few minutes but he finally saw Mommy when he was about two feet away from us. Before we could blink, Cinderella was charging along and was so excited that she barely even acknowledged us! And yes, here hair usually looks like that when she goes to school. Ha!

Round two on the other side of the shopping center, came Peter Pan once again! Talk about Mr. Serious once again!

Then, Cinderella made another appearance, and finally flashed that little beauty pageant smile and princess wave. My heart just melted.

After heading home to meet Mimi for dinner, we quickly got dressed and headed out for some trick or treating. I will say, that this was just about the perfect Halloween night. The kids were completely into trick or treating, it was the perfect weather, and everyone just had a blast. It was exactly what I was hoping for and needed. It just seemed like such a bright spot in our lives and I was so thankful for such an amazing day.

After Halloween, life seemed like a blur. I had to attend a couple days of training for work, so I ended up being on travel during our wedding anniversary (sorry babe!), then the day after travel was my pre-op appointment, which is a whole other story. Then there were fun birthday parties, a very busy last week of work and eventually, getting ready for Gigi to arrive to help during the week of surgery.

It was an indescribable feeling, going on about life normally, knowing that I had cancer. I think that is when I started to emotionally detach myself from the parts that I would soon be having removed.

Because there has been so much that has happened over the past couple of weeks, I'm starting out small, and will skip over the actual surgery and recovery for now, to give you an update on how we are doing this week. (More to come on all that other not-so-fun stuff).

Everyday is different. Most days have been really good, but I would be lying if I said I didn't have some of the "everything about this sucks" kind of days this week. I think what got to me so much this week was that I was just having a tough pain day, and couldn't help get the kids dressed to play in the snow. And what was worse, was not being able to play in the snow with them.

But, I was able to go and keep with our annual tradition of cutting down our Christmas tree this past weekend! The weather turned out great, and despite the usual cranky babies, we had a blast! Emma has an incredible memory so she remembered a lot about the farm from last year, and most notable remembered the free candy canes. :)

 
Hugging a little baby Christmas tree...

Like usual, The Squishy took off running through the rows of trees!

I was pretty much zero help to Wes, but then again, he usually does all the work when Christmas tree hunting anyway, and I am usually on kid duty. So I guess this year was really no exception.

Finally, Emma got her free candy cane, which didn't last long.

I seriously don't know what I would have done without these two crazies over the past month. They are our world. We still don't know what treatment is next, but I will do absolutely anything to make sure I am around for the long haul with these two.

A couple days later, we got a few inches of snow and it was like Christmas morning to the kids. About two days after that, we got a little bit more! So I broke out the camera and tried to snap a few pictures from the steps as Wes and the kids played in the snow.

It's really hard to tell, but our snowman actually had two tiny little arms. He is like the Tyrannosaurus Rex of snowmen. :)

While Daddy and Sissy were building T Rex the snowman, Jack was busy doing some yard work.

He eventually took a break to do some snow angels...

So his big sissy picked up on the yard work right where he left off.

So there you have it! I finally got something out and hopefully this will end my writers block! Today was the first day I ventured out by myself and drove, so I'm thinking about ending on a good note and heading to surprise the babies at school. More to come, hopefully sooner rather than later!!

Life's A Beach...

  Guess where we just got back from...

Yup, the beach! We had a brief, but amazing trip to Hatteras, North Carolina a little while ago and I think the kids are still tired from all the fun that they had. This was the kids first truly long car ride and they did absolutely amazing. Despite running into some traffic issues and detours around Washington DC on the ride down (which added about 45 minutes to our already 7 hour drive), they were awesome. Of course I had this grand plan of leaving about 9:00 in the morning, which would give us three hours of driving before stopping for a picnic lunch, letting the kids run around in a grassy rest stop, then having them sleep for a good part of the remainder of the drive (since it would be nap time). #notsomuch.

After about almost two hours into the drive, three stops and the fact that we were still not passed Washington should have been my first clue things weren't going to go according to plan. We finally got ourselves re-routed (one of the benefits of being the last to arrive, is that everyone else ahead of you keeps you updated on traffic) and were on our way. Jack slept for about an hour (before nap time) and Emma never slept at all. Good thing Mommy packed lunch because it allowed us to make up some time and keep driving while we ate. We had one last stop about 30 minutes out because Jack was eating some apple and of course shoved WAY too much in his mouth so he threw up all over himself. Luckily, it was just apple and Daddy caught most of it in his hand. Ick. After getting him all cleaned up, we finally arrived about 9 hours later to our awesome beach house.  

One of my favorite things about going on vacation with the kids at this age is how excited they get just to see the house. They run in like it's Christmas morning. Just seeing their crazy little smiles seeing the house made the entire drive worth it.

We arrived around dinner time on Saturday, but ended up doing a little swimming in the pool out back first. The kids were LOVING life. They have always been fans of the swimming pool, at least Emma, but this was the first time they had one in their backyard. Emma blew us away. Last year, even with her floaty-thing-a-ma-jiggy on she wouldn't want us to let go. Within 30 seconds of hoping in the pool and seeing her big cousins swim around, she didn't want us touching her. It was bittersweet.

Jack was loving swimming too and even kicked around "all by self" a couple times too (of course we were right there the whole time though).

After the first day of hanging out and resting we headed to the beach and it was amazing. They are both old enough now that we could last about three hours (which was pretty good). Emma wouldn't go NEAR the water (she got brave a handful of times) but I was okay with that since I didn't have to worry too much about her getting swept away. Jack was pretty much the same. They had so much fun with their big cousins, they slept for days afterwards. :)

On our next to last day, we hit up some ice cream and kite shops and had a great morning! The kids got to fly kites for the first time. It was actually one of those surreal moments, at the beach, with you little ones who thought this was the coolest thing in the world, flying kites in the warm breeze....then Emma woke up from her nap with a whopper of a fever and was super miserable. We went back and forth with what to do, especially since UTIs are always on our mind and ended up deciding to pack up and come home a day early. It actually worked out great, we only had two really quick stops on the way home, and got back in about 7.5 hours which was pretty good. The kids then had a day to rest at home before heading back to school for a few days before the holiday weekend.

All in all, an amazing, quick, but awesome break and it was just what I needed.

Whooo Loves Ya Baby...

I know a lot of folks aren't into Valentine's Day, and for a while, I didn't really think too much of it myself. It was always nice to take a quick break from life to have a special dinner, and Wes and I always exchanged cards, but not much outside of that. Like every other holiday though after the kids come, it tends to be more about the kids (which is okay with me). So this year, I did a little Valentine's Day decorating!

I went back to one of my favorite websites Cocoa Mint (even though I've only ever bought anything there once before) and purchased some Valentine's Day graphics. For $5, you can't really go wrong. I then whipped up some quick little designs with PowerPoint, printed them on regular computer paper and threw them into some $5 frames that we already had. Voila! That is my kind of craft.  

 

I then whipped up four smaller graphics using the background paper and pictures I got from Cocoa Mint, printed two copies of each on regular printer paper, glued them onto some red cardstock, threw some red polka-dot ribbon through them and voila! A Valentine's Day banner for our mantel!

  

I actually don't have a picture of the whole thing together but you get the idea. The kids loved it, and for the whopping thirty minutes and $5 it took me, it was worth it.

Another little Valentine's Day treat was equally as cheap and as quick! I found this idea on Pinterest I think and eventually found my way back to the original website it came from, Cute Food for Kids. All you need is some pretzels (salted are the best), some chocolate to melt and sprinkles. This is where it gets very complicated here so pay close attention. Melt the chocolate. Dip the pretzel in the melted chocolate. Dip the chocolate covered pretzel into sprinkles. Take a sip of your wine while you hold it for a second to cool. Put the pretzel down. Shew. I'm exhausted. Check out the website for some tips on how to not burn the chocolate, and a couple other little helpful things. Enjoy! These things are delicious!! Oh, side note. When allowing two children to help, be aware that more chocolate and sprinkles end up being consumed then actually on the pretzels. Then allow for a good three hours of spinning, dancing, running in circles, yelling, screaming and literally bouncing off the walls.

Christmas in February?

I've only had about fifteen blog posts "drafted" for two months now! I guess it's about time to start catching up! Turns out, I hit my limit for adding photos to Blogger. So I opened up a Flickr account. As soon as I uploaded some of the pictures from our little family photo session, I maxed out the monthly limit. DOH! Now that I'm finally all straightened out (I think), it's back to playing catch up! First up, Christmas 2012!!

Let's start off by taking a peak at the most awesome Christmas present ever from the hubster....

BAZINGA!!!!

Yuppers. Mommy got upgraded.

::: giggle :::

Granted, I'm still learning about my new baby and still practicing so starting out was a bit rough and a lot of the pictures at the end of this post are proof of that (the Christmas Tree Farm pics are with my original DSLR). But hopefully things will get better as I learn more about my new 60D. So excited!!! Okay, here we go.

Like we have done the past couple of years, we continued with our tradition of heading to a local tree farm to cut down our Christmas tree. This is such a fun tradition for us and it still seems new to me since I never did this growing up. In the beginning, especially with the kids, it was sometimes hard to figure out on big holidays like this, which traditions we were going to do. Wes and I had lots of different traditions we grew up with, so figuring out which ones we would do as a family was sometimes tricky. Having said that, I think we finally got the hang of it and I am absolutely loving taking both sides, smooshing them together, and making the traditions our own. I always have grand ideas on what this yearly trip entails (I know, big surprise there right?), but usually it ends up raining, or with a sick baby in tow. This year, we lucked out though. I snuggled up the babies with about 14 layers of clothes, only to realize when we got there that it was unusually warm. If that's the worst that happens, I call that a success. So as you can tell in the pictures, the kids starting stripping layers of clothes as the Great Tree Hunt of 2012 went on.

Jackson's first trip to the tree farm was when he was just about 8 months old (seems so long ago). He was strapped to Mommy with our Baby Bjorn and holy moly did my back hurt after carting around that 20lb toddler. Needless to say, my back quite enjoyed the break this year. The kids weren't exactly interested in picking a tree, but they sure did LOVE running through all the rows of trees. Jack was having a blast playing hide and seek, especially when he found 'baby trees'.

Just like last year, my Emma Kathryn was more into jumping on and off all the little tree stumps that were left in the ground. Once Jack got wind of what his big Sissy was up to, he was all over the tree stumps as well. Although he isn't the most coordinated toddler (God love that little man) and usually ended up tripping over them and landing on his rear end. That seemed fine to him, because he could then just roll around in the mud.  

Seriously. How beautiful is my baby girl?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, while Mommy was on baby duty, Daddy was hard at work cutting down the tree...

Although these trips involve all four of us, we usually seem to have to split up most of the time. Daddy takes care of the tree, while Mommy tries to keep the babies from, well, everything. So while Daddy was busy hauling the tree to the car and tying her down, the babies and I headed back up to the farm for some cold weather treats.

Here is where Mommy thought "OH! This is going to be the best picture ever! Both kids, sitting by the fire, trees in the background, etc" Yup. Not so much. Despite the strangers cruising around in the background, Jack would look at me, Emma would refuse. Emma would look at me, Jack would refuse. Mommy would then burn her rear-end on the giant bonfire behind me. Maybe next year. :)

After sitting down for all of 30 seconds, we headed over to the snack barn to grab a cup of hot chocolate and apple cider. Luckily, Jack was open to the apple cider since Emma wasn't a big fan and decided the hot chocolate was hers.

Then it was back to go watch the tree gets its grove on (i.e. get put in the shaker to shake the dead needles off). I did manage to catch this picture though. It may not be perfect, or at the right angle, but I absolutely love it. The babies were holding hands, Jack's hair is sticking up (LOVE) and they are stinky and sweaty since Mommy dressed then like it was 20 degrees out and it was probably in the 60s. Every time I need a little reminder about what really matters in life, I look at this picture. How is it possible to love two tiny little things so much?

Okay, so back to Christmas. We were a little late getting our tree this year, so we only had a week or so until Christmas...can you tell Emma was getting excited? Oh, and notice that chunky little hand gripping snowman in the background? Yup. The Squishy LOVED the Christmas tree. Needless to say many ornaments got rearranged multiple times this year. But he only broke two! That's not bad! :)

So far, our strategy for Christmas has been to buy the little crazies one big present for the both of them, and then buy them each the smaller things. Of course Santa usually takes care of most of the gifts, so this year, Santa lost his marbles had a great idea and brought the kids a brand new Mustang! Wowza. Is it wrong to be jealous of your kids Christmas presents? :)

I took a ton of pictures and videos of the kids driving around in their new car from Santa, and hopefully I can post a few. But for now, here's one quick iPhone shot. For now, Emma's the driver since Jack's a bit too little to reach the peddles, which seemed okay with him. He was happy as a clam to just be along for the ride. Luckily, Christmas Day was sunny and relatively warm so outside we went!

What still amazes me about the kids is that even though they got a MUSTANG for Christmas, they were more excited about their little boxes of goldfish that Santa brought them in their stockings. They wouldn't let go of those little goldfish all day.

As Emma was busy ripping through her presents, Jack just wanted to chill in his new ride. It even has cup holders for his milkies. :)

Santa, once again, overdid himself just like usual. The kids had an absolute blast though and were EXHAUSTED for days afterwards.

Emma modeling her new Dora slippers. :)

Jack kissing Rex. :)

Every year, I keep saying that "this year" is going to be the best Christmas ever. And every year it seems to top the year before. I can't help but get sentimental and think about how awesome Christmas next year is going to be. I am so incredibly blessed, and Christmas is the perfect time to remember that.