Beware - Emotional Alert!

It must be the holidays that is doing it to me, but I have been feeling so emotional and sentimental lately about having Emma in our lives. Maybe it is because the holidays are all about being with family and maybe its because for the two years it took us to get pregnant, each holiday was bittersweet because we both were dreaming about having our baby with us. We kept thinking, maybe by Christmas, or maybe by Easter, or maybe by 4th of July and so many holidays came and went, with no little one to share them with. Until now!

I can't even put into words how excited I am for Christmas this year, and it's not just about Christmas Day but about all the traditions that we can't wait to share with Emma. Everything from driving around and looking at Christmas lights, to putting up a little tree in her room, to opening presents (or her just trying to eat the paper) to going to cut down our Christmas tree for the first time ever. I look at our Emma Kathryn and already can't remember what our lives were like without her. I feel like for all those years, a piece of me was missing and it was just waiting to be filled by Emma. One of my favorite times of the day is in the early morning when she wakes up and the house is quiet and its just Emma and Mommy rocking in her chair while she is having her bottle. With her little fingers wrapped around mine, her chunky little legs stretched out across my lap, her bright blue eyes just looking around her room soaking it all in, and that big smile that comes across her face and just lights up the room. I have actually found myself tearing up a few times lately during our special morning time, just thinking about how long we waited for her to be in our lives, and how every moment and heartache was absolutely worth it.

Last night Wes and I were talking as Emma was snuggling in Mommy's arms, that we can't believe she is 5 months old already. Although that doesn't seem like much, it will only be in the blink of an eye that she is walking and talking and turning 1, then 2, then 18! Wes was saying that he can't wait for her to talk and to walk and to tell us things. Sometimes when she is laying in my lap, I look down at her little teenie tiny feet and just imagine that before we know it, those little teenie tiny feet are going to be big enough to be walking around in Mommy's high heels and how I am not ready for that day to come. I'm not ready for her to learn to walk, I'm not ready for her to learn to talk, I'm not ready for her to eat real food, I'm not ready for her to go to school, I'm not ready for her to start sports, I'm not ready for her first date, or for her first driving test, or for her first prom or homecoming. I'm not ready for her to go to college, or get married, or go off on some worldly adventure that I know one day she will ask for. I'm not ready for any of it, and I'm not ready for her to turn 6 months and start sitting up all on her own and I'm not ready to put away even more of her clothes because they are too small. I'm not ready for her to grow up but can't do a thing about it. If I could just keep her this age, I could guarantee she would never have her heart broken, or that she would never get hurt, or ever worry about her away from us in college, or out late with friends or that she won't need me anymore.

Even though I wish she could stay 5 months old forever, there are also so many things that I can't wait to teach her and tell her. I can't wait to tell her how lucky she is to live in America. I can't wait to teach her about the world (at least how much I know about it) and how we are so fortunate to live where we do. I can't wait to teach her about life and science and math and history and animals and the environment. I can't wait to take her on vacations and go boating, and teach her how to eat crabs for the first time. I can't wait to show her fireworks and the ocean and the snow and mountains. I can't wait to teach her about kindness and respect and God and about her grandmother that passed away before she was born. I can't wait to show her how to make cookies and cakes and teach her how to ride a bike and how good roses smell. I can't wait to help her pick out her wedding dress. I can't wait to teach her to be responsible, independent and to not take things for granted. Most of all, I just can't wait to show her, every single day, how much she means to us and tell her that I have no doubt, that she is the reason I was put on this earth.