Sunshine, Rainbows & Baby Bottoms

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I thought a lot about whether or not I should address my post a few days ago about "cussing out" Jackson, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to say a few things.

You probably have noticed that I deleted the post (if you read it). It apparently upset several family members and that certainly wasn't my intention. I apologize if I upset anyone, and looking back I certainly used the wrong wording that gave a wrong impression. I will be much more careful how I word things in the future. I know that different reactions are possible when you put your life out on the Internet, and that's certainly a chance that I take.

I originally debated whether or not to post anything about my struggle with PPD but its something that's hard to understand unless you have lived it or are close to it. It's especially hard to understand if you are somewhat removed from the situation and don't see the daily ups and downs. Posting about PPD on the blog was my only way to try to describe what we was going through to help people understand, but messages seem to be getting crossed along the way.

But I have to say..that I'm a good mom.

I'm not perfect by any means, but I am a good mom. I know that because my kids are loved more than anything in this entire world. I know that because my kids light up when I walk in the room. I know that because my kids are happy, healthy, provided for, safe and thriving.

I'm a good mom that is struggling with PPD. I'm a good mom that got frustrated in the middle of the night after a very tough couple of weeks, just like millions of other moms out there. I just decided to put it on our blog and I used the wrong words to do so. I never once raised my voice at my son. I changed his diaper, gave him a bottle, burped him, rocked him back to sleep and then cried. I then got up with him again three hours later, brought him into our bed and let him sleep on my chest because I know my son, I love him and I know that comforts him.

Again, I apologize if I upset anyone and if my wording gave the wrong impression. My kids are loved, and they know that. Nothing else matters to me.

So in the future, I'll stick to posting about sunshine, rainbows and little babies that raise their bottoms in the air while sleeping in the exact same position every night.


  1. Your wording of your first post didn't offend or worry me in the slightest. In fact, it made me feel like I'm not alone --> since I "cussed out" Parker that same night! I knew exactly what you meant by your post. When I heard Parker crying in the middle of the night (he's teething) I started cursing/swearing/crying/etc...all along the lines of "you've got to be kidding me?!?!!" and "I just want to sleep!!! Why cant you too?!!" But once I got to my little man, I was a good mom and did all the things I needed to -- just like you did. But I certainly understand the reactions of family -- hence the reason I can't/won't post half the things I'd like to on our own blog. Some of our family thinks we are over-reacting about stuff... some family members over-react themselves about stuff going on in OUR life... and some feel like they can solve all our family issues with one or two simple solutions. HA! So our blog looks quite a bit like the Partridge Family. It's not exactly how I wanted it to be... I envisioned a more realistic picture of our lives (showing all the ups and downs), but it actually ends up causing me MORE stress when I have to hear family members' reactions.

    We've been having issues here whether I have postpartum depression, regular depression, "normal" mom-stress, or super-over-run-down-mom-who-takes-on-way-too-much-herself-stress. My wonderfully patient husband doesn't quite understand what I'm going through. After a LOT of thinking things through very thoroughly and trying to do some limited research, I think I'm just overly stressed out and have been doing too much myself, and expecting perfection in unrealistic ways. I've decided to give it a month of making sure to take specific time EVERY day for ME -- start exercising again (even just the 10 min workouts on the TV "On Demand"), going to get a pedicure every two-three weeks, date nights with the hubby more regularly, and will focus back on a few house projects I enjoy. If after a month, I'm still having issues, I will head to the doctor. 5 days in so far, and I feel the best I've felt in a while.... hoping this is what I needed!!

    Thanks for your posts that have helped me not feel quite so alone as I raise these two crazy boys! :)

  2. I didn't read the "deleted post", but there is nothing that it could have said that would make me think that you are anything less than an awesome mom who gives 110% to her family. One of the things that I absolutely love and respect about your blog is the honesty and reality of your life put in black and white. The only thing that I would caution is that not everyone who reads your blog knows, understands, and loves you like I do. I don't want you to change your blog, but please be very careful with your wording.

    Hugs, Mary


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